K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
