He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
