He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
