Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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