I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
