I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
