her body is proportioned like a family guy character
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
