my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize