I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
