Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
