Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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