I'm gonna have a badass scar
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
