I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
