you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
