sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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