U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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