I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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