I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
