you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
