Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
