I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
