i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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