Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
