I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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