your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
