I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
