she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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