are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
