You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
