My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
