ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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