he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
