jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
