I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
