Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize