The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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