OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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