You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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