You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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