Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
