Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize