dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
