my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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