apparently the secret to your success is patron
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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