I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Best friends brother. Beat that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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