At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
a search helicopter?!
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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