you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
