even my farts smell like vagina
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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