loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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