how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
