Will you blow on my dice?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
