Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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