so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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