I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
