nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize