You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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