Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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