So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
