i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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