Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
