remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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