Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
