summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
