It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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