Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
