it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
