I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
