the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
