mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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